Why Not Me

God uses the worst days of our lives to become our best days.

Never has my heart-felt so broken, yet it has never felt so full of hope. Life gets super messy, but finding the joy in the mess is what matters. When things start to fall apart, that's when you know when it will come back together and when it does it's going to be something even BETTER than what it was before. It's not easy to see that side of it, it's not easy to just say "God, have it your way." I know it's not because I've had to do it, I'm doing it as I write this. I've had to do the God thing even though it hurts. I've had to stand up for the truth, for Jesus, for what matters in this life not because it was easy, it was not what I saw coming, but that's the thing about Jesus, He is always giving us things we think we can't handle. We think things are so great and we think "oh no, I couldn't do without this, this would totally wreck me if I lost this, no I need this, this is good for me." Well usually God has a different idea, in fact He already knows what you need to keep and what you need to lose. Not so that you can fail in life, but so that you can have a life full of joy and fully live for HIM. I think things get us side tracked sometimes, especially if we aren't doing something we love for the Lord. I think we get caught up. If I could just get one more sale, if I could just get one more A on my test, if I could just work a little longer, if I could just do this much more and I'll be good. Jesus sees us in this messy world and He sees when we aren't in His lane completely. Some of us may be in His lane but we might have the blinker on or we may be looking down at our phones not paying attention. If there is one thing that I have learned it is that when you're riding with Jesus, you are completely 110% in His lane. There is no wavering, no changing your mind, no doubting. It's His way or the highway. I chose HIS.

Life is just really crazy if you think about it and when things happen that hurt and I mean really hurt, like heart aching, stomach sick hurt, things that we don't think our going our way, when things happen and we just say "really God? Why me, why now, why ever, why why why." Well for me I know the answer now and I remind myself everyday of it:why not me? Why not me to be the one He uses. Why not take me through the mess and the hurt to bring others to You and me to something so beautiful I can't even picture it now. Why can't I take ahold of Your hand and You lead. I think that's the whole point of Him saying no to us in this life to certain things. I think when we say yes to God, He will then tell us "okay well since you said yes to me," "I will now say no to certain things" and it will bring us right back to where we need to be which is right beside Him. There are so many things in this life that don't make sense, some might not ever, but you know what I'm finally okay with that. In my heart and in my soul there is an anchor tied to Jesus and His way and I am secure in that. I am free-falling into His love because I know His plan is so much greater than anything I can ever imagine. I am here, I am His. And as scary as it is, in times of sadness and misunderstanding and grief and pain, it's in those times to ask the Lord to be with you in it. Don't ask why you, ask why not you. Why not me Lord? I hurt, but I know because of your promises that this is nothing, this may hurt more than anything in the world, but it will be worth it. Following You instead of the ways of this world is the answer. Taking ahold of your hand is what I want and I'm ready because really, why not me?